Buzzzzz. 9 a.m. Eye's wide open, no recollection of any dreams, sun shining too bring in my eyes, still can't stand that alarm. Dragging feet across the tan colored rug into the cold tiles of the bathroom. Morning ruitine checklist.
Toothbrush - check.
Toothpaste - check.
Facewash - check.
Hair brush - check.
"Alright sleepy, let's see what we have to work with this morning" I say to myself, then rub my eyes and slowly meet them at the reflection in the mirror. It is a reflection I do not recognize, but as my jaw drops so does the one opposite of me. Today is different, today I decide to really look in the mirror-- and I am only appauled with what I see. It is not so much the physical features that take me aback, but the features behind those that are obvious. I no longer see that sparkle in my blue eyes that show the child within myself. The dimples My ear to ear grin feels forced if it goes anywhere past my cheekbones. And that characteristic italian nose that used to crinkle when I giggled, lay flat and uncharacterized upon my no longer freckled face. "Could it be that I am no longer me? Have I really lost myself" I think aloud. I rub my dulled eyes one more time for reassurance that I am still dreaming, that I remain the child I used to be, but this seems to be a fog I cannot shake. Panick. Thump Thump. I feel it in my throat. Theres no way I grew out of the way I loved to be. Thump Thump. Can I not laugh at the innapropriate and run just to be thrilled anymore? Thump Thump. Have I really lost my truly constant, genuine smile and traded it in for a clenched jaw, gritting teeth smile? Thump Thump. Buzzzz.
9am. Eyes wide open. Heavy breathing. Recollection of something awful, sun shining in my eyes but not too bright, never too bright. This morning my feet dont drag, and the floor has never felt so homey. This time I rub my eyes, and see me. The me I want to keep forever, and I smile, from ear to ear.
Never lose your inner child.
Toothbrush - check.
Toothpaste - check.
Facewash - check.
Hair brush - check.
"Alright sleepy, let's see what we have to work with this morning" I say to myself, then rub my eyes and slowly meet them at the reflection in the mirror. It is a reflection I do not recognize, but as my jaw drops so does the one opposite of me. Today is different, today I decide to really look in the mirror-- and I am only appauled with what I see. It is not so much the physical features that take me aback, but the features behind those that are obvious. I no longer see that sparkle in my blue eyes that show the child within myself. The dimples My ear to ear grin feels forced if it goes anywhere past my cheekbones. And that characteristic italian nose that used to crinkle when I giggled, lay flat and uncharacterized upon my no longer freckled face. "Could it be that I am no longer me? Have I really lost myself" I think aloud. I rub my dulled eyes one more time for reassurance that I am still dreaming, that I remain the child I used to be, but this seems to be a fog I cannot shake. Panick. Thump Thump. I feel it in my throat. Theres no way I grew out of the way I loved to be. Thump Thump. Can I not laugh at the innapropriate and run just to be thrilled anymore? Thump Thump. Have I really lost my truly constant, genuine smile and traded it in for a clenched jaw, gritting teeth smile? Thump Thump. Buzzzz.
9am. Eyes wide open. Heavy breathing. Recollection of something awful, sun shining in my eyes but not too bright, never too bright. This morning my feet dont drag, and the floor has never felt so homey. This time I rub my eyes, and see me. The me I want to keep forever, and I smile, from ear to ear.
Never lose your inner child.
1 comment:
Thats really good
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