A spark of self esteem?

So last night, I found myself discussing my insecurities with Ben. They always seem to find a way into my relationships. I often find myself doubting my worth, causing fear in myself throughout the relationships. It has become a problem lately, apparently an unbearable problem. It's been something I try to work on but never quite find it in me to be able to completely fix. Up until last night... I was praying to my grandmother, (I'm not really religious but if theres one person I believe would be "up there" its her) I was talking to her about alot of things actually. And at one point I said to her, "If there is a god, Mema, I bet you're right up there with him, because youre an amazing person. And you know how I know that... Because my grandfather (who is practically my life) is a great guy, and great guys don't fall in love with just any kind of woman, they usually fall for someone amazing as well..." And then it dawned on me... Yes finally. That little spark I have been looking for. I am loved by an amazing guy. A handsome, intelligent, sophisticated, fun, good-hearted, and loving gentleman. And to be loved by such a person, must mean that I afterall do have something to offer...Maybe I'm not the way I've been seeing myself all this time. It doesn't make sense for a Knight in shining armor to fall in love with a terrible witch now does it? I know some of you are reading this and thinking well DUH I've been trying to tell you this all along. And I appreciate that, but this isn't something I could have learned through someone telling me, this is a feeling I would have to gain all by myself through my own experiences, and that has begun. This is the start of me being okay with me, this is me not letting my insecurities ruin the good thing I have, because I wouldn't have it if I didn't deserve it. So I guess what I'm getting at is Fuck you, to everyone who has made me feel otherwise for the past 19 years of my life. Pardon me if that wasn't the eloquence you expected out of this epiphany, but I'm frusterated. So many of you have tried to bring me down, belittle me, make me feel worthless. Through words. Through actions. Through mistreating me. Cheating. Lying. Degrading. And where has that gotten you today? I'd just like to know. For all these years you've made me fear relationships, are you happy where you are? And has what you made me feel gotten you farther? Well I hope so because you no longer have me as a success to your mind games. I'm rising against what you made me feel. All because of love. I'm amazing somehow. I've got to be. And today I feel it, just a little bit more. So if you see me with my head a little higher, and my smile a little broader, let it be. Anything otherwise probably wont get you far.