Learning from an Elegant Spirit - Part One

I figure the best way to start this off is to remind you that I am a huge fan of Audrey Hepburn, not only her work in film, but her elegant life as well. If you have been a follower of my blogs since they started you may recall I had a segment on Audrey Hepburn's character from the film Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holly Golightly,and how I see myself within that character. Well, this segment (as you can see will be a segment due to the title) is going to be based off of the real Audrey Hepburn rather than her characters. It will entail the things I learned and the insight she's given me from reading one of her biographies "Audrey Hepburn: An Elegant Spirit." This biography was written by her son Sean, probably the best person to show her elegance both in and outside.


One of the most interesting things I learned from reading this was probably a concept that was always in the back of my head but never had much meaning. Insecurities are beautiful. Some say that being insecure is "so unappealing" and "incredibly unattractive", while others say that cockiness is the true ugliness. And then you always have the few that debate that a nice inbetween is where the attraction really lies... Well after reading a certain excerpt from the bipgraphy I discovered that I believe insecurities can be quite beautiful...

Here is the excerpt that I am talking about

She was basically a very insecure person whose very insecurity made everyone fall in love with her. Isn't that the true definition of beauty, like a fawn caught drinking from a creek? He looks up and just is. He doesn't know what he looks like, how svelte his body is, or how graceful his movements are; he is just a fawn, like all the others.

Although part of that quote is debateable from my perspective, for the most part it makes so much sense to me. The only part I would slightly disagree on, is the part where Sean says "Isn't that the true definition of beauty" because as stated in one of my previous entries, beauty is defined differently by everyone. But at the same time I do agree because that is in my eyes a defintion of beauty. When Sean talks about how the fawn "just is" and sees himself as someone like all the others, it just sounds so beautiful. An image that comes into my mind is when the most beautiful person walks into the room, but walks in just like he's just another Joe, even though all eyes are on him, and theres an obvious glow about him, its as if he doesn't recognize it for even a split second. Something about that just sounds so beautiful. This is exactly how Audrey was, or at least thats the impression I get from everything I've read about her. It doesn't take a fashionista or beautician to point out that Audrey was flawless. And it doesn't take a psychologist to point out that she was also nearly flawless underneath. She was gorgeous, and a saint at heart, and she showed it everywhere she went without even wanting to. She did years of work for UNICEF, and disliked being recognized for the things she did for them. She hated being seen as the amazing person she was. She often sold herself short, and practiced modesty more so than a preist could ever in a lifetime preach. This is what made her beautiful, this is what made people "fall in love with her", her insecurity, and her constant modesty. People who are overconfident about themselves, and are borderline if not over the line cocky are unappealing. Not only that, but the way I see it the more that I think about it, is that cocky people don't need anyone. They recognize their beauty, and don't want or need anyone to appreciate the beauty in themselves that they already see. It's also been a recent reputation I've noticed that cocky people have little ability to love someone even close to as much as they love themselves. This seems to apply to the concept that Audrey is a romantic icon. She has this glow about her, that makes her seem like she has this unbreakable ability to love and care, and I'm beginning to believe that she had that ability to love everyone else because she neglects to love herself, and recognize the beauty within herself. This is why insecure people are so beautiful to me. They have this amazing ability to make you feel beautiful, and to make you feel loved, all because the dont waste their love on themselves. Insecure people are so compassionate that it draws people in. Had I not read these things about Audrey, I wouldn't have seen the beauty in insecurities that she made me see. It's amazing how the most luminiscent person in the history of our time thinks barely a thing about herself... Beautiful.

Empty Handed

What do you do when you go back to square one? Life tells you "Go directly to jail, if you pass go do not collect $200." You can't collect that $200 even after all that time you spent fighting not to go back to jail. Now how fair is that? How fair is it that we spend half of our lives fighting? We fight to rise above our circumstances, to succeed, to find and actualize ourselves. Lately it seems like I've been fighting an uphill battle, only to stumble, stop, drop and roll all the way back down. I feel like I fight, kicking and screaming and crying, just to be okay. And for a split second I'm okay and feel as if I'm always going to be okay, and that I finally know who I am... Then BAM! It's like a punch in the face. Down I go again like a pile of bricks. It's like a cartoon, and the letters "K.O." are circling my head as I lay there in a defeated gaze, confused as to where I went wrong, where was my defense, where is that strength I had not so long ago. I guess what it comes down to is that everyone can be blind sighted, everyone gets attacked by lifes cheap shots and bitch slaps. And the conclusion I've come to is that if we keep getting back up we'll eventually win. All it takes is one win and were golden, we got the belt. The thing we need to realize is that with everytime we get knocked out, roll down the hill, go directly to jail etc. We need to learn from what got us down there. We may not collect that $200 or anything else material, but we always learn, we never leave empty handed. It's all a matter of whether or not were willing to take it. I've spent so much time thinking "Why do I bother if I'm just going to end up back down..." And what I've come to realize is that we all fall for a reason, and that reason is to get back up. Trust me, I know it can be tiring but just remember... You are never empty handed.

A Lesson Learned From A Fallen Friend

Today I found out that a friend of mine passed away. And the best thing I can do for myself right now, is learn something from her. In order to see what I learned, I'm going to give you a peek into the history of our friendship, so you can really understand...
I first saw her standing outside of Ms. B's english class my freshman year of high school. Now, I went to a very small high school, everyone knew eachother, the second I looked at her I knew that she was new to the school. I later found out that her name was Gabriella King. We sat at lunch that day, and from then on it was history. All the way up through senior year we grew to be inseperable. And then, as with any friendship between girls, a boy happened. It was my fault, I'll give her that much, we aruged it to the point where we even wanted to fight eachother. Well more like she wanted to fight me because lets face it, Gabby was one tough chick. Time passed and the drama faded as did our friendship. On new years eve of 2007, about 7 months later than I should have, I sent Gabby a message apologizing, pouring my heart out, and being honest about the entire situation. Being the graceful, forgiving and loving person that she is, she accepted my apology but mentioned that she cannot accept my friendship back... Which I understood. As time passed her and I would occasionally contact eachother and even mention meeting up and catching up. Then, this past summer I ran into her at a party, terrified of what might happen I froze as she made her way over to me and hugged me... This was the last I had seen Gabby. We had spoken about meeting up after that but never gotten to it. I guess that leads us up to today and what I learned...
Today, St. Patricks Day, March 17th 2009, Gabriella King passed away... And with her passing she leaves me with this. Life really is too short to be burning bridges, because reconstruction may not always be too late... but I guess sometimes theres not always enough time to finish the job. So when you fight with a parent, a sibling, a lover, a friend etc. Think about it... the next day you may be speaking, but will your connection be the same ever again? An apology is easy, but actually fixing things takes time... Time we don't always have... R.I.P Gabby... You will be greatly missed. Thank you for teaching me this, even though I had to learn the hard way. I love you.

Attitude 101

We've all been dying since the day we were born, and we all let it remain to be the source of our misery.
Each day is one step closer towards our last. We don't know when it is coming, or how it will, but we all take it way too seriously. It's like the saying "Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyways." Everyone is always so pressed for time, running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I frequently find myself caught in this hustle and bustle fast laned world myself. I put on my heels, grab my purse, schedule out my itenterary for the day and go. And I don't stop going until I am done. And I hate it. At the end of it all I sit and think, "Now where did that get me that I wasn't at yesterday or the day before?" We panick and rush and stress and try to accomplish so much in the little time we have in our lives, and for the most part, it gets us no where any faster than doing it at a timely pace would. We're in a rush to make money, to start our careers, our families, our lives. We make ourselves miserable doing so. It's like were dying everyday in two senses. The sense of biology (aging and such.) And in the sense that our carefree abilities are dying. We lose our spirits with each day we age because whether or not we recognize it, we accept misery as a part of aging and the path to success. So I guess what I'm getting at in this segment of my entry is that we all just need to breathe. Yes, our time here is limited. Yes, death could make its way to us faster than a hurricane. But what good is our time here if we don't stop and appreciate it at least once a day. What good is it if we don't take time to do what we want and let things happen as fate determines them to happen? You can't rush fate, so don't rush yourself. If it's meant to happen, it will.

Something else that kind of clicked in my head recently came up during one of my classes. One of my professors said to us that Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your disposition is. The more that I pondered that statement, trying to argue within myself that attitude cannot have that much effect on your life, I realized that it's undoubtedly true. It goes back to my whole post about optimism. Optimism is really the key to success. If something bad happens to you, and you let it bring you down, chances are more things will go wrong. It's like the saying "when it rains it pours." Well maybe it only pours because you refuse to see the sunshine in the forcast for the day after that. If you sit and dwell on the negativity of an event in your life, chances are you won't get very far. It's like when you tell yourself, or have the attitude that you can't do something, then you can't. If you tell yourself that you CAN do something, no matter how outrageous or out of reach it may be then theres a really good chance you will accomplish it. There is always that ten percent of what happens that could limit you, but if you have that ninety percent of a positive attitude going for you, then that's alot. That's why I hate people using situations they are in as excuses. When people have odds against them I frequently see them endulging in their own misery and just accepting that the odds are working against them. If they had just picked themselves up, and fought their hardest using what little they have, and kept a solid attitude and a good heart in each hand, chances are success is on their pathway. It's like the film "The Pursuit of Happiness", had Will Smith let himself be dragged down by all the forces working against him he would have remained homeless, jobless, and eventually without child, but he had the key to overcoming his circumstances; the right attitude. So, at the risk of being blunt and obnoxious... Quit your bitching, nothing is impossible.