The Dust You Leave Behind

It was the day before I was moving to my summer location, and I was finishing up packing and cleaning my old room. As I swept the rediculous amount of dust and dirt accumulated behind my dresser I continued to reminisce to myself about the happenings of the year. Alot of this year had at some point or another reflected back on impressions, and reputations. And as I dwelled upon the concept of reputations I began to struggle with my least favorite part of cleaning. You know that little line you get when you try to get everything in the dust pan, and it just wont sweep away? Well that's my biggest pet peeve. So as my mind detracted slightly from my issues with repuatations, it somewhat met me halfway and made me realize that the obnoxious dust line I work so hard at sweeping away, is much like a reputation in our society. No matter how hard you try to sweep it away or disperse it someone will always be able to point it out. I mean yeah, in real life you can vacuum up the dirt... but can you really vacuum up your reputation. You could accomplish as much as Mother Theresa and people would still remember your previous reputation. You can't just hide it under the rug representing the new you. I have a perfect example... Someone who I have grown incredibly close to these past few months is talked about on my campus and hated on due to his reputation more than Britney Spears. People even said to me when I started spending more time with him "Don't hang out with him, his reputation alone will give you one just from hanging out with him." But obviously I did not listen. And just as I expected his reputation did not preceed him. I learned that he was the most kind hearted, deep person I've ever met. He opened up and said things to me that really made me see this side of him that his reputation could never even reveal and at the least his reputation had been smothering. People ask me to this day why I hang out with him, and why I've become so close to him. I tell them what I have told you, that he isn't what everyone thinks, that I see a different side to him... I try to sweep away that extra dirt for him. But still all people really see is that little line left from a while ago, that we just can't seem to sweep away... It really is unfortunate that we can't seem to move on from things we hear about people, no matter how out dated. But I guess there are two different things you can take out from this story... One is that be careful of the impression and the reputation you leave behind... and the other is that maybe you should get to know the person someone is now before clinging onto the dust that they were way back when. Just think about it.

Catching Butterflies and Picking Up Pieces

I've finally reached that point. That point needs a little bit of clarification. My life is chaos. As of right now, I have two responsibilities within the University, a new job, a grassroots movement I have started, and an opportunity in a different field. I wake up, I go, and I do not stop. I march around the city in my heels, dress pants and blouse nearly everyday, get back to my room and somehow keep my cool. I finally have it all together, I've gotten to the point where I can be running around like a chicken with its head cut off and be completely happy. The old me would have broke down crying but something is different. I figured out what it was as I was walking down the street listening to the song "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree. One line in particular stood out to me, mostly because I disagree with it. "You gotta be calm you gotta be cool you gotta stay together, All I know, All I know is love will save the day." I agree with the first half of the quote but honestly, I'm not sure if knowing that love will save the day is what keeps you going was the message she was going for, or if the message was that even if its not okay you'll have love. Either way, I disagree. Because honestly I think our dependence on love to make everything okay is one of our biggest faults as a society filled with hopeless romantics. Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic, but I like to believe I'm a tad more realistic than some others... What it comes down to, is sometimes all a girl really needs is herself. We waste so much time being torn and trying to have someone piece your heart together... Well how can they piece it together, if not even you can? The reason I have reached the point in my life I just discussed, is because I learned to piece myself back together. I've always been the one to wait for someone to swing through and save me from my last heartbreak. This time I saved myself from my heartbreak. I didn't allow people to save me. I even pushed people away. I had this sense of detachment from love, because its like I knew I was the only one who could help me. I'm happy right now because not only did I fix it, but I rebuilt my life stronger than it ever was. I'm chasing all my dreams and even catching them in a butterfly net. I've been fragile about it, not wanting to break any wings, but not letting my dreams flutter away, and I think that is why I haven't lost my cool. I think since I fixed myself, I've finally learned how to be independent, and how to take the time I need for myself. When someone picks you back up and pieces your heart together it's like you owe it to them to love and care for them with all your time. You are all of a sudden devoted. Since I'm the savior now, I can now dedicate the time love and care for myself that I've been so casually giving to my past saviors. This has GOT to be why I am so happy now. The only person you can really love and care for with all your time, and not regret it or be disappointed about doing so, is yourself. You will never break your heart, and you can never be a waste of your own time. Because although we may let ourselves down now and then, we are never really gone, leaving ourselves with pieces to pick up. So as I gather myself, and chase my butterflies, I will not turn love away, but I will not allow myself to depend on anyone but me. No one can chase your dreams, or please yourself more than you. No one knows what you really want inside, except for you. Keep that in mind. At the risk of being cliche and cheesy...Love, and be loved, but most of all, love yourself.

The Home of the Brave

Terrorism... Okay now that I have your attention lets really analyze this. What's the first thing that pops into your head when you see that word. Well, it seems to me that the common consensus is the war, foreigners, iraq, you get the point. Well maybe the general consensus is focusing on only one of the issues behind the term "terrorism." This issue boiled itself into my thoughts during a discussion in my criminal law class. The discussion was about the Timothy McVeigh case. As we all probably recall, he bombed a building and was convicted for it. What the government tried to keep all hush hush, was the fact that McVeigh did not only act with at least 4 other associates of his, but was a member of an organization. This organization was a white supremisist group who bases their income off of bank robberys. A year prior to the date of McVeigh's bombing, his groups leader was executed. The bombing was indeed an act of terrorism against other americans. We're not talking strictly american on american street crime. We're talking homeland terrorism. Now if you have any sense of fear in your body, that should chill to the bone. Which is exactly what the government was avoiding. They directed all the focus on McVeigh rather than his accomplice's only to redirect the truth, that an act of terrorism was performed on us, by our fellow men. It's dumbfounding to me that we're off putting lives and millions of dollars into a war triggered by terrorism, when I haven't heard a damn thing about our government showing concern in our homeland terrorism. Not only are they not being forward with us about it, but they are acting as if it were not an issue because they are too concerned about the consensus on who our enemies are. You could argue with me that we haven't heard anything because they have been doing stuff about it, but honestly how could we really know that... I mean if we don't hear about the problem, how could we assume they even established a solution. And why would they establish a solution when they have successfully hidden the problem. They clearly have "bigger fish" to fry, but how can we even trust them to fry those outside of us, if they can't even save us from our own neighbors. I'm not against our war on terrorism, I just feel that if we're going to war with other countries we should focus on our own vices as well. I do appreciate what our soldiers are doing. I do appreciate action being taken after 9/11. But I'd really appreciate some honesty and protection. How can we really enforce our safety by attacking other countries, if we can barely enforce our own safety on our own homeland?
For the record, I tried researching terrorism in america by americans and there were little to no results. Is it because there are little to no cases, or little to no recognition? Thats up for you to decide.