4.13.2011
An Aha! Moment
From our early stages of birth we are shaped by objects and materials, as well as they become a part of if not our entire reality. Could it be that this development at such a young stage is a contributing factor to our materialistic tendencies? For the sake of elaboration and clarity let me say that this development stage I am referring to involves object permanence. Simply put this is when as a child you learn what is what and who is who in reality. In order for object permanence to set in place we must have something moderately tangible and sensually appealing to connect to the idea of the object. This need for a tangible object to connect to an idea or emotion becomes our nature. I feel that implicitally this develops into something much larger. Think about it, do you know someone who equates objects with emotions? For example...flowers with affection, or presents with love. This cognitive process is so drilled into us that it's unavoidable. For years I've been so disgusted and annoyed with our socieity's uncanny ability to confuse emotion and ideas with material objects, and it is just now dawning on me that my frustration with this concept is pointless; we as humans by nature are cognitively and subconciously materialistic. It's a part of how our brains develop. Granted some people do take this to a whole different level than others but to some degree this is out of our control. Also some people do deserve to appreciate materials more than others, specifically people who earn them and work for them. But can we really be held 100% accountable for something we are engineered to do? Just some food for thought... Open to debate?
10.04.2010
Rant.
How can we fight against something, if we aren't fighting for something in return?
These are the things I wonder when I see people out there protesting and speaking out against things they don't believe in. About 90% of the time all I hear is what they stand against, rather than what they stand for. For example, there are so many people fighting against all of Obama's plans (of which I refuse to state my opinion) but the point is half of these people have mentioned how awful his plan is without mentioning a better alternative.
It amazes me that people have the audacity to fight for change with no alternative in mind. How can we be so quick to judge and to demand when we can't even make decisions of that significance. Half of us can't even find something to stand up for or believe in. Its all about education. Not nearly enough people take the time to educate themselves on a subject matter. They hear what they want, and all they know is what they've been told and its a done deal. I feel like were all afraid to learn, to see what else is out there. With all the hate, anger and violence in the world especially towards those who think differently I wouldn't blame everyone. It just bothers me that people can honestly say they stand up against and believe in things simply from hear-say evidence. Have we all become so naiive as to think that what you see is what you get? The more I explore and the more I educate myself, the more I fall in love with the world around me. I just wish others would do the same and take that same chance, they would be pleasantly surprised.
These are the things I wonder when I see people out there protesting and speaking out against things they don't believe in. About 90% of the time all I hear is what they stand against, rather than what they stand for. For example, there are so many people fighting against all of Obama's plans (of which I refuse to state my opinion) but the point is half of these people have mentioned how awful his plan is without mentioning a better alternative.
It amazes me that people have the audacity to fight for change with no alternative in mind. How can we be so quick to judge and to demand when we can't even make decisions of that significance. Half of us can't even find something to stand up for or believe in. Its all about education. Not nearly enough people take the time to educate themselves on a subject matter. They hear what they want, and all they know is what they've been told and its a done deal. I feel like were all afraid to learn, to see what else is out there. With all the hate, anger and violence in the world especially towards those who think differently I wouldn't blame everyone. It just bothers me that people can honestly say they stand up against and believe in things simply from hear-say evidence. Have we all become so naiive as to think that what you see is what you get? The more I explore and the more I educate myself, the more I fall in love with the world around me. I just wish others would do the same and take that same chance, they would be pleasantly surprised.
6.08.2010
Flaws and All
I have spent such a great amount of time running from my shadow, fearing the silhouette of who I am, who I was and what lies shortly behind me every step I take. This time has been nothing more than time wasted but nothing less than a lesson learned. From this point on I will stand in my shadow, be proud of my silhouette, bask in the glory of the darkness I have overcome and shine knowing the person I have grown into because of it. There is nothing more destructive then trying to run away from your own shadow. It gets to be tiring and is overall impossible. Let it be known that a man (or woman)’s greatest enemy is him/herself and in the end if not dealt with properly could be his/her demise. You can run, but you’ll always be there. You can fight, but the only person that gets hurt is you. Accepting yourself is the key to solving internal conflict. Most people spend their lives trying to find themselves, know themselves, understand themselves. I’ve done all of the above. I feel that the greatest challenge in life is accepting yourself. I’ve come to realize that in order for others to accept me and understand me I must first accept myself. How can you sell or present something you don’t like. Love oneself to be loved, accept oneself to be accepted, and face yourself before you expect others to face you, Flaws and all.
3.28.2010
The Art of Defense & Defeat
Defense; The word is flat out misleading. When that term arises it most commonly is associated with the concept of protection, sheilding, or gaurding. For me, the first thing that comes to my mind in reference to the definition of defense is offense.
Something I have come to notice over time and even more recently is that a part of most peoples defense lies within offense as well. Instead of simply relying on our personal shields we draw out our hypothetical spears as well. Any potential threat that we feel is usually equalized by an attack on the direct cause of the threat. We live in a society where we thrive off of survival of the fittest. Yes, I'll agree sometimes its necessary and often constructive, but I feel as if we have become so insecure with ourselves that we attack others in our defense. Rather than proving ourselves worthy we've become so quick to prove everyone around us unworthy instead. Now does that qualify you as being the "fittest" all your showing is others weaknesses, not your own strengths.
I don't think we realize nearly enough that functioning in this manner can bring down our own credibility. Don't get me wrong, I support healthy competition, if I didn't I wouldn't be an American. To survive in such a capitalistic society we need to have a sense of competition and survival; but one thing I find hasn't been addressed is how we survive and compete. If all we do is jump the fun and point out the weak in others and exploit competition in defense then we leave no room to accentuate our own strengths and no room to improve on the areas in ourselves which have been threatened or challenged.
Real strength comes from real competition. Battle of the best wits and strengths is what makes real competition. If we accept the challenge and face it rather than destroy it, we leave no room for growth and improvement. It takes a true warrior to smile, shake hands and say "Good game" with out opposers. It takes a pawn in a game of chess to stab the opposer in the back, and in reality you'll become so blind from that victory that in the long run another opposer will do the same to you.
To be able to fail, be defeated, accept your defeat and face your flaws makes you a true warrior, a true hero. Upon your defeat you have two options; One- you pinpoint where you started to lose and you fix that point of weakness... or Two- you bask in your failure, never improve and become defeated over and over again. The rest is up to you.
Pointing our others flaws and weaknesses makes you no better than your opponent. Being able to defend yourself by supporting yourself or even accepting your flaws and accepting that change is needed is what will put you on top in the end. Don't let your pride blind you. Emotional blindness is a weakness. Put down your weapongs and shield your heart. A coward needs a spear while a hero will rush into a battle with nothing but his armor. Society is war, prepare the right way.
Something I have come to notice over time and even more recently is that a part of most peoples defense lies within offense as well. Instead of simply relying on our personal shields we draw out our hypothetical spears as well. Any potential threat that we feel is usually equalized by an attack on the direct cause of the threat. We live in a society where we thrive off of survival of the fittest. Yes, I'll agree sometimes its necessary and often constructive, but I feel as if we have become so insecure with ourselves that we attack others in our defense. Rather than proving ourselves worthy we've become so quick to prove everyone around us unworthy instead. Now does that qualify you as being the "fittest" all your showing is others weaknesses, not your own strengths.
I don't think we realize nearly enough that functioning in this manner can bring down our own credibility. Don't get me wrong, I support healthy competition, if I didn't I wouldn't be an American. To survive in such a capitalistic society we need to have a sense of competition and survival; but one thing I find hasn't been addressed is how we survive and compete. If all we do is jump the fun and point out the weak in others and exploit competition in defense then we leave no room to accentuate our own strengths and no room to improve on the areas in ourselves which have been threatened or challenged.
Real strength comes from real competition. Battle of the best wits and strengths is what makes real competition. If we accept the challenge and face it rather than destroy it, we leave no room for growth and improvement. It takes a true warrior to smile, shake hands and say "Good game" with out opposers. It takes a pawn in a game of chess to stab the opposer in the back, and in reality you'll become so blind from that victory that in the long run another opposer will do the same to you.
To be able to fail, be defeated, accept your defeat and face your flaws makes you a true warrior, a true hero. Upon your defeat you have two options; One- you pinpoint where you started to lose and you fix that point of weakness... or Two- you bask in your failure, never improve and become defeated over and over again. The rest is up to you.
Pointing our others flaws and weaknesses makes you no better than your opponent. Being able to defend yourself by supporting yourself or even accepting your flaws and accepting that change is needed is what will put you on top in the end. Don't let your pride blind you. Emotional blindness is a weakness. Put down your weapongs and shield your heart. A coward needs a spear while a hero will rush into a battle with nothing but his armor. Society is war, prepare the right way.
3.17.2010
Routines. Sunrises and Rain.
With a love story who's tale is as old as language itself or as new as a fresh start to a day, comes battles, tears, laughter, strife and happiness. Whether it be between a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. Whether it take place in a castle, a ghetto or the suburbs. Whether it ends in heartbreak, seperation or death its always the same. Love is a cycle, love is as a sunrise and sunset, it's like a full day. The beginning of a relationship is the sunrise. Your'e captivated by it, intrigued by the appearance, thought and concept of a new day, a new relationship. You venture over the horizon without even the slightest clue as to what is in store. The rest of the day is a stroll at first. You casually go about your routine, enjoying the sunshine but holding your umbrella, your sheild, your emotional barriers in fear of the possibility of rain. Around mid day, mid relationship, the routine becomes tiring, like a struggle. Its the equivelant of having your first fight with your significant other. Its the most draining part of your day, your relationship, and your journey with that person. Once its over with, although that part of your day has made you stronger, the rest of your day is impacted. You're happy, yet focused on just getting by, focused on merely holding on until the inevitable end. Then of course theres the evening, right before the sunset, as the sun is shining in its last risen hour. Whether the day has been good or bad, you feel a sorrow in yourself because you see the end of the day coming and also because you fear what a new day may bring. You know you feel deep down that the new day is going to be the same and maybe at best more difficult. And finally comes the sunset, the end, el fin. Its bitter sweet. Your'e glad you can rest your eyes and reminisce or focus on the good parts of the day, but it saddens you to see it pass and to move on to the next day.
My point is after all thats been said, we need to break this cycle and this day after day process. Is it possible for us to break our sunrise to sunset routine? Very recently I changed my routine and to be quite honest its refreshing. I find that dealing with that mid day point and struggle first thing in the day or relationship can actually be healthy and better for it. Dealing with this so early changes the feeling of just holding on until the end into a different feeling and experience. Arguing early on, recognizing your differences in one another at the beginning leaves room for understand the person and building a foundation to support the relationship from that point on. We can't start our relationships in the honeymoon stage, it only sets us up for disappointment. I feel that if your'e not afraid to argue or dispute right off the bat then you've finally found someone your'e comfortable with. I also feel that if you can overcome that dispute or arguement you grow closer to that person and the honeymoon stage can be an ongoing stage or feeling, not just something you feel at the very beginning. We need to stop waling around in the sunshine with our umbrellas. Its not going to prevent the downpour. If the rain comes dance in it. Its always going to rain, and its all a matter of making it through the storm. Thats what makes each day different and beautiful. So lets change our routines, and let our sheilds down. Don't fight fate, don't try to change the weather. Let it all happen. Its just natural.
My point is after all thats been said, we need to break this cycle and this day after day process. Is it possible for us to break our sunrise to sunset routine? Very recently I changed my routine and to be quite honest its refreshing. I find that dealing with that mid day point and struggle first thing in the day or relationship can actually be healthy and better for it. Dealing with this so early changes the feeling of just holding on until the end into a different feeling and experience. Arguing early on, recognizing your differences in one another at the beginning leaves room for understand the person and building a foundation to support the relationship from that point on. We can't start our relationships in the honeymoon stage, it only sets us up for disappointment. I feel that if your'e not afraid to argue or dispute right off the bat then you've finally found someone your'e comfortable with. I also feel that if you can overcome that dispute or arguement you grow closer to that person and the honeymoon stage can be an ongoing stage or feeling, not just something you feel at the very beginning. We need to stop waling around in the sunshine with our umbrellas. Its not going to prevent the downpour. If the rain comes dance in it. Its always going to rain, and its all a matter of making it through the storm. Thats what makes each day different and beautiful. So lets change our routines, and let our sheilds down. Don't fight fate, don't try to change the weather. Let it all happen. Its just natural.
1.31.2010
Escape
The car pulls in. I hear the tires crunching on the gravel, the rumble of the engine abruptly ceases. I hear him. Mumbling, cursing, car door slamming. I tremble and scurry into bed. He's fumbling with his keys. I hear the jingling, the click, the turn and the slow subtle squeek of the door swaying open. He calls my name, I lay still, still silent. I play dead, all to stay alive. Upon my silence he sighs and exhales a sharp and bold "What the fuck!"As his keys shatter onto the table his steel toe Timberlands drop to the hardwood floor of the corridor. I hear him sauntering down to the other side of the house. He's listening, he's searching. I let out a fearsome sing-song breathe. His footsteps freeze. He calls my name again. I close my eyes. He continues, my heart starts racing. He lets out a knowing, satisfied, deep chuckle. His footsteps pick back up, but this time faster, almost as fast as my heart. His shadow casts underneath the crack of the door. It slowly opens. The draft from the hallway sweeps through my covers like a swift hurricane breeze. Its all slow motion now.
Thump, thump... thump. My heart.
Thump... Thump... T.h.u.m.p. His footsteps.
My eyes slowly peel open.
He's standing there. Over me.
Everything zooms into warp speed again.
He viciously rips off my covers like a magician who leaves the china standing still on a dinner table while removing the cloth between. His hand raises, raises real high. I inhale deep. I close my eyes.
I escape.
My eyes flutter open, like a child opening its eyes after its very first night of sleep. I'm calm, safe, euphoric, everything is new. I'm in a bed, a bed of rich green moss. I'm nude, free, alive. I rise from my bed and look above to see trees, taller than the New York City jungle, older than the egyptian pyramids, with bark colored like a deep mohogany armoire and leaves shaded as green as the tint in the Aurora Borealis. I reach out to touch them, and to my amazement they are real.
I see a clearing ahead. I begin to wander over to it. Branches gently crack beneath the soles of my feet while the soil loosely sinks between my toes. My eyes peruse as I stroll forward. The sun is setting. The beams of sunlight and water-color paint like hues dance through the branches and graze over the tree tops, each ray of light creates an almost blinding yet captivating prism as it shimmers through the dew drops that carelessly dangle on the tips of the leaves. The prisms slip away while I watch the dew drops roll down and playfully splash to the ground.
I continue ahead. I part the branches and vines to get through to the clearing. There it is, my paradise. A four foot deep hot spring with polished like rocks and pebbles, steam rising from the surface of the water. The sun has gone past the horizon now, and the clearing above the spring is a silk dark sheet of sky with crystal like stars dancing across it. I sink my body slowly into the Carribean clear water.I lay back as my hair flows in the gentle calm stir of the water. My head lightly bobs so that my entire being is drenched while I remain slowly and steadily breathing, floating, being. No distractions, nothing to keep me awake. I drift. I sink. My eyes close. My escape, escapes. I...
I awake.
It's all real again. I'm six feet under, not under the ground, but under who I was. I'm belittled, frail, weak, beaten, defeated, beaten into nothing. I can't remember. I can't see, but I see flourescent lights, shiny tools, objects, bags of liquids, pills, papers, tissues. I can't see me though. I can't feel me. I can't feel anything.
A woman enters, she looks puzzled yet calm, as am I. She calls, calls something. Calls a name. My name? My name. Then, I hear him call my name just like before. I want to scream but I have no voice. I don't see him but I hear him. I see the woman still. My vision flashes between him and her, then and now. I gasp, gasp. The woman hushes me, sympathetic, "Everythings going to be fine." She's knowing. Knowing what I don't. What does she know? Why don't I? Why is she saying this... these... these things, awful things.
"Beaten"
"Hospital"
"Broken"
"Life"
"Ran"
"Forever"
"Didn't, Couldn't, Tried, Escape."
"Didn't escape. Beaten"
I survive.
Thump, thump... thump. My heart.
Thump... Thump... T.h.u.m.p. His footsteps.
My eyes slowly peel open.
He's standing there. Over me.
Everything zooms into warp speed again.
He viciously rips off my covers like a magician who leaves the china standing still on a dinner table while removing the cloth between. His hand raises, raises real high. I inhale deep. I close my eyes.
I escape.
My eyes flutter open, like a child opening its eyes after its very first night of sleep. I'm calm, safe, euphoric, everything is new. I'm in a bed, a bed of rich green moss. I'm nude, free, alive. I rise from my bed and look above to see trees, taller than the New York City jungle, older than the egyptian pyramids, with bark colored like a deep mohogany armoire and leaves shaded as green as the tint in the Aurora Borealis. I reach out to touch them, and to my amazement they are real.
I see a clearing ahead. I begin to wander over to it. Branches gently crack beneath the soles of my feet while the soil loosely sinks between my toes. My eyes peruse as I stroll forward. The sun is setting. The beams of sunlight and water-color paint like hues dance through the branches and graze over the tree tops, each ray of light creates an almost blinding yet captivating prism as it shimmers through the dew drops that carelessly dangle on the tips of the leaves. The prisms slip away while I watch the dew drops roll down and playfully splash to the ground.
I continue ahead. I part the branches and vines to get through to the clearing. There it is, my paradise. A four foot deep hot spring with polished like rocks and pebbles, steam rising from the surface of the water. The sun has gone past the horizon now, and the clearing above the spring is a silk dark sheet of sky with crystal like stars dancing across it. I sink my body slowly into the Carribean clear water.I lay back as my hair flows in the gentle calm stir of the water. My head lightly bobs so that my entire being is drenched while I remain slowly and steadily breathing, floating, being. No distractions, nothing to keep me awake. I drift. I sink. My eyes close. My escape, escapes. I...
I awake.
It's all real again. I'm six feet under, not under the ground, but under who I was. I'm belittled, frail, weak, beaten, defeated, beaten into nothing. I can't remember. I can't see, but I see flourescent lights, shiny tools, objects, bags of liquids, pills, papers, tissues. I can't see me though. I can't feel me. I can't feel anything.
A woman enters, she looks puzzled yet calm, as am I. She calls, calls something. Calls a name. My name? My name. Then, I hear him call my name just like before. I want to scream but I have no voice. I don't see him but I hear him. I see the woman still. My vision flashes between him and her, then and now. I gasp, gasp. The woman hushes me, sympathetic, "Everythings going to be fine." She's knowing. Knowing what I don't. What does she know? Why don't I? Why is she saying this... these... these things, awful things.
"Beaten"
"Hospital"
"Broken"
"Life"
"Ran"
"Forever"
"Didn't, Couldn't, Tried, Escape."
"Didn't escape. Beaten"
I survive.
10.12.2009
All The Single Ladies
Call me a self righteous feminist but society’s concept of single women is fucked. As I was perusing throughout the internet I saw on the sidebar of advertisements a caption that said “Don’t be that girl.” This advertisement was for a dating website, implying that their concept of “that girl” is that of an alone or single female. At the risk of using poor vocabulary and detracting from my point, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? What I’m getting from this advertisement is that the negative connotation of being “that girl” is in this case, directly correlated to not having a man at your side (or another woman if you preference is as so.)
Is it really so socially unacceptable to be single? Call me a neo-feminist but I enjoy being single, independent and public in expressing so. I don’t mind going to restaurants alone to treat myself. I’m perfectly fine with sitting in a romantic park cuddled up with a book. I’m even comfortable with going to see a film on my own. But for some odd reason the general consensus is that by doing that I have earned the stigma of being “that girl.”
Could this social standard be a possible affect of the high divorce rates in our country? The divorce rate, although steadily declining, is at an appalling height. In the year of 2000 there were 2,355,005 marriages… out of these marriages 957,200 successfully obtained a divorce. Could some of these divorces be directly related to women who married because they didn't want to be “that girl?” Let’s take a more personal look at this situation, a less woman focused view. This scenario could be held applicable to either male or female… Think all the way back to the beginning of your “dating career”… You remember, those times when best friends dated best friends and you were all a snug little group of cute couples, or you were even just friends with those couples. Well for all you third wheelers, which most of us have been at one point or another, how many times have you been shoved into a date with a group of friends because they were trying to help you not look like “that girl/guy”? Be honest… It happens. Could this be a potential factor that women take into consideration for marriage? I feel it’s not so farfetched of a theory. The pressure for women in society today to get married and not to be a bachelorette for the duration of their youth is intense. Although this pressure is probably nothing compared to such in the 1950’s and 1960’s, it still does exist. It exists in peer pressure, family pressure and apparently media pressure.
Can we not be complete and happy in the company of solely our friends and family or even ourselves? Have we truly become so insecure that we need that reassurance and that extra love to make ourselves blend into society? Well most of us may be that way, but I certainly am not. I’m more comfortable with myself than I am with others. I do not feel I need physical or emotional arm candy to fit into society. I do not feel the need to hide the fact that I am in fact “that girl.” So you can laugh at me when I’m alone in a restaurant, a movie or a park as you cling on to your significant others arm, but just ask yourself if you’re with that person for the right reasons. Or are you just afraid of being “that girl?”
Is it really so socially unacceptable to be single? Call me a neo-feminist but I enjoy being single, independent and public in expressing so. I don’t mind going to restaurants alone to treat myself. I’m perfectly fine with sitting in a romantic park cuddled up with a book. I’m even comfortable with going to see a film on my own. But for some odd reason the general consensus is that by doing that I have earned the stigma of being “that girl.”
Could this social standard be a possible affect of the high divorce rates in our country? The divorce rate, although steadily declining, is at an appalling height. In the year of 2000 there were 2,355,005 marriages… out of these marriages 957,200 successfully obtained a divorce. Could some of these divorces be directly related to women who married because they didn't want to be “that girl?” Let’s take a more personal look at this situation, a less woman focused view. This scenario could be held applicable to either male or female… Think all the way back to the beginning of your “dating career”… You remember, those times when best friends dated best friends and you were all a snug little group of cute couples, or you were even just friends with those couples. Well for all you third wheelers, which most of us have been at one point or another, how many times have you been shoved into a date with a group of friends because they were trying to help you not look like “that girl/guy”? Be honest… It happens. Could this be a potential factor that women take into consideration for marriage? I feel it’s not so farfetched of a theory. The pressure for women in society today to get married and not to be a bachelorette for the duration of their youth is intense. Although this pressure is probably nothing compared to such in the 1950’s and 1960’s, it still does exist. It exists in peer pressure, family pressure and apparently media pressure.
Can we not be complete and happy in the company of solely our friends and family or even ourselves? Have we truly become so insecure that we need that reassurance and that extra love to make ourselves blend into society? Well most of us may be that way, but I certainly am not. I’m more comfortable with myself than I am with others. I do not feel I need physical or emotional arm candy to fit into society. I do not feel the need to hide the fact that I am in fact “that girl.” So you can laugh at me when I’m alone in a restaurant, a movie or a park as you cling on to your significant others arm, but just ask yourself if you’re with that person for the right reasons. Or are you just afraid of being “that girl?”
10.11.2009
Open to interpretation
It's like chasing a sunset over a hill... You run up that hill to catch just one glimpse of the rays last burst through the clouds... You race briskly to embrace the final prismatic sliver of life for the day, but it's like the sun is just plain faster. You can't stop it, you can't control it, and thats just plain life.
You try to forget that you let it go, that you let it slip away but it's a memory without a lifespan, it fades only when it's ready to fade.
You can walk the same path, the same hill, but with newly paved roads... but you still know the footsteps that are engraved in the path beneath you. You can crunch upon a season's worth of newly fallen leaves, but still feel the crunch from the year before. You can even put on a different jacket, but the temperature will still remain, and that protection will still not suffice.
What it really comes down to is no matter how many more sunsets you chase, you'll never get over the first one you let slip away until you change your path. The past is inevitable but the path is not. Sometimes a new route is necissary in order to grasp the brighter colors and to capture that sun before it sets. Sometimes you need a new hill to climb to really appreciate the sky ahead of you and to really capture the one that makes it all worth it.
You try to forget that you let it go, that you let it slip away but it's a memory without a lifespan, it fades only when it's ready to fade.
You can walk the same path, the same hill, but with newly paved roads... but you still know the footsteps that are engraved in the path beneath you. You can crunch upon a season's worth of newly fallen leaves, but still feel the crunch from the year before. You can even put on a different jacket, but the temperature will still remain, and that protection will still not suffice.
What it really comes down to is no matter how many more sunsets you chase, you'll never get over the first one you let slip away until you change your path. The past is inevitable but the path is not. Sometimes a new route is necissary in order to grasp the brighter colors and to capture that sun before it sets. Sometimes you need a new hill to climb to really appreciate the sky ahead of you and to really capture the one that makes it all worth it.
9.19.2009
Constructed
If we can't carry our own weight, who are we to lift our loved ones back up? Nothing is more heavy than someone else's weight, someone else's problems, the things we can't understand... Sometimes we need to stop and realize that we cannot pile other people's bricks on our shoulders until we've rendered our own foundation to be concrete. The first step to being a successful friend, lover, sister, daughter (etc.) is being better to yourself.
My whole life I've been accomodating to the "wounded puppy dog" type. I've always found potential in others, and have taken it upon myself to bring out that potential, to help that wound heal. As expected, I've had quite a few more failures than i have successes. Time after time I beat myself up over it, not understanding why I've been so unsuccessful in my endevours. Finally, at the age of 20, I feel I've found my remedy. As strong as I may feel at times, my foundation is weak. My weakness lies in my actions, or my lack there of in this case. People always praise me for my wise words, yet the words rarely carry on, and only lead a person for so long. What I have come to discover is that we (I) must lead by must lead by example, by actions, by success. If the advice is good enough to give to someone I care about, why is it so difficult to apply my own advice to myself?
So what it comes down to is that I need to be better to myself, to listen to my own remedies, and to rebuild my own foundation for not only my own well being, but that of my loved ones as well. Why am I sharing this lesson with you? Because maybe you need to hear it too, maybe I need to lead you, my readers, my loved ones, by my example by my road to success.
My whole life I've been accomodating to the "wounded puppy dog" type. I've always found potential in others, and have taken it upon myself to bring out that potential, to help that wound heal. As expected, I've had quite a few more failures than i have successes. Time after time I beat myself up over it, not understanding why I've been so unsuccessful in my endevours. Finally, at the age of 20, I feel I've found my remedy. As strong as I may feel at times, my foundation is weak. My weakness lies in my actions, or my lack there of in this case. People always praise me for my wise words, yet the words rarely carry on, and only lead a person for so long. What I have come to discover is that we (I) must lead by must lead by example, by actions, by success. If the advice is good enough to give to someone I care about, why is it so difficult to apply my own advice to myself?
So what it comes down to is that I need to be better to myself, to listen to my own remedies, and to rebuild my own foundation for not only my own well being, but that of my loved ones as well. Why am I sharing this lesson with you? Because maybe you need to hear it too, maybe I need to lead you, my readers, my loved ones, by my example by my road to success.
9.18.2009
A Bit of a Tounge Twister
I finally got out of my writers block. Wrote something a bit different from my usual entries. Bare with me.
bittersweet bitter closure
quickly ending never over
let go now, loosen your grip
hold on now, now begins our trip
tripping falling stumbling back
backwards forwards
straight to the left of where we were
where we were before
before the future took a turn
swerved a little, hit a nerve
crashed over a shattered heart
flat tire in the dark
darkly spinning on thin black ice
the second time was twice as nice
though we said it was over
over here and back again we go
down the strange road we always know
always know never want
yet draws us in with its ambiance
its bittersweet bitter closure
maybe this time it will be over.
bittersweet bitter closure
quickly ending never over
let go now, loosen your grip
hold on now, now begins our trip
tripping falling stumbling back
backwards forwards
straight to the left of where we were
where we were before
before the future took a turn
swerved a little, hit a nerve
crashed over a shattered heart
flat tire in the dark
darkly spinning on thin black ice
the second time was twice as nice
though we said it was over
over here and back again we go
down the strange road we always know
always know never want
yet draws us in with its ambiance
its bittersweet bitter closure
maybe this time it will be over.
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